You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize