I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
These tits shall not be calmed
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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