Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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