I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
