I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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