Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
