yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
