I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want to fling myself into the sun
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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