now i know why i became what i already was.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
