im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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