Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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