The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
