every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
