If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
