Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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