No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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