Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
