Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize