she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
