at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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