The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize