Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
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I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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