any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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