Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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