You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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