my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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