Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize