Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
