I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
