called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Alive.
So much puke
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
