we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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