I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
