girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
