highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
