I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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