why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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