My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
