I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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