I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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