I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
