apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
should my penis look like a turkey
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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