When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
