How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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