This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
