Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
