Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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