and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
