dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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