"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
