Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
