hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
