If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
