were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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