I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
