I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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