I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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