He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
