I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
