New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
