Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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