just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this will be a night to untag.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
