i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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