I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
