just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
