I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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