I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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