Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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