It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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