I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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