I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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