I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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