You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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