Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
