I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
