I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
