I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't deserve a penis
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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