got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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