I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
