i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
