You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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