But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
