They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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