I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
