I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
