I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
