someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Be still, my beating vagina.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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