Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
