She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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