What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
