Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
